Friday, July 15, 2005

Ghey-Voice

Ugh, so of course my internet at home is on the fritz for no apparent reason.
This will mean significantly less internet-trolling as the time I spend on the work-computers should probably have at least the pretense of being work-related.

I had the greatest moment with coffee-boy this morning. Coffee-boy is the man-boy who I buy coffee from every morning on my way into work or class. He's attractive and all, but I usually just lump him into the "man candy" section of my life, as he's too Fratboy-ish to be a ghey or intellectually stimulating [is that mean?]. In any event, I assume he just thinks I'm a random idiot anyway, as I usually stumble in still half-asleep with my aviator sunglasses on, hoping I look like
Mary-Kate or Nicole and not some asshole who doesn't take his sunglasses off indoors.

Today we actually had a little more banter than usual; low-and-behold Coffee-boy has a lisp. Now I've made the mistake before of confusing a lisp for "ghey voice" but I know now there is a subtle difference. I knew this guy who had a very definite lisp but was completely heterosexual. I'd need to talk to him more to determine definitively whether Coffee-boy had "ghey-voice" or not, but it was a nice morning surprise. Maybe I'm just the queerest ever, but I find lisps and/or "ghey-voice" to be incredibly sexy on a man. He was also sporting the popped-collar, which I have so many mixed feelings about. I mean there is a time and a place for everything, but I really don't think you need to be popping your collar every day for every non-event that you attend. It's weird how the popped-collar can at once be so Fratboy-ish and yet so faggoty. Time will tell which it is in Coffee-boy's case.

They really need to institute some sort of signal-system so ghey's can detect one another. I mean obviously it would have to be subtle, so homophobes couldn't catch on, but what if all gheys had a slightly blue-glow that only other ghey's could spot? Not that I'd do anything about it, as I'd only hit on someone if I was drunk off my ass, but it would be nice to at least confirm my suspicions. Gheydar is great and all, but there's absolutely nothing you can do short of asking the person which way they swing.

I ask the people of the interweb: what are some of the tell-tale signs that alert you to ghey?
Have a good weekend, peace out bitches.

PS - I reaaaally hope everything goes according to plan and Rock-Snob and I are able to get stoned proper-like this fine summer evening. I realize I say something related to being stoned a lot, but it's the weekend. I'm totally allowed.

15 Comments:

Blogger sixshooter said...

Yeah, there is a fine line between strehyt(?) and ghey when dressing from A&F or Hollister, isn't there?

I've found the biggest clue to determining which side of his bread a guy likes buttered is eye contact. If a guy holds eye contact for any length of time more then a quick glance (other than during regular conversation), there's a good chance he wouldn't object to your tongue in his ear.

Either that, or you have a piece of your lunch stuck to your face.

2:16 PM  
Anonymous dryvrgrl said...

If you are ghey does that make me a lhesbyan, or a dhyke??... anyway,
I've generally found that it's easier to score, if you take a shot.
A wink works well, give him a wink, harmless enough, you can always fake something in your eye... or winking every time you see him for now and ever after like a nervous twitch or something.So as far as "tell tale" signs of gheyness...I think unless he's wearing a cowboy hat, cod piece and feather boa, the line is blurry (damn metrosexuals screwed things up). Mind you I hear alot of straight guys still like a bit of anal stimulation once in a while. A full out ass reaming might be out of the question though...

2:45 PM  
Blogger Ed Grow said...

Ok, I know this might sound a little over the top, but since I started playing for the pink team a little over 3 months ago, I have come to a startling realization. Why would any guy be straight? I know, I know. I am too much.

6:48 PM  
Blogger A. Estella Sassypants said...

The surest sign of gheyness that I've found is finding the stash of ghey porn. Works like a charm. 98% correct.

9:02 PM  
Blogger Evil Petting Zoo said...

i have to say fashion and shoes...in most cases if he has good fashion sense and matching shoes...he's likely ghey...there are a few exceptions like me. but for the most part streyht men can't dress.

11:25 PM  
Blogger The Accidental Boyfriend said...

Watch the way a guy's eyes move and how his hands move. Gaydar (or gheydar, if you like) is all about reading the signals.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

haha!
Dearest 6tysex,
I dunno how I feel about the eyecontact thing, I hate making eyecontact with la men for fear that they think I'm going to bumrape them. So maybe I'm not sending off ghey vibes?
*
Dearest Dryvy,
You can certainly be a dhyke or any variation there of you so label yourself.
Never before as anyone said "ass-reaming" to me, I'd glad you were my first.
*
Dearest Eddie,
You ARE to much, really you wouldn't choose to be straight? Everything would be loads easier.
*
Dearest AndI,
I prove that theory correct, so perhaps it is a universal!
*
Dearest EPZ,
I wear black combat boots almost everyday, so I dunno about the shoe one. Although I do agree it works in most cases.
*
Dearest Boyfriend,
I totally agree about hand-movement! Swishy hands are SUCH a good indicator.

4:47 PM  
Blogger yournamehere said...

Ask him if he's ever had sex with a man. That'll do it.

6:23 PM  
Blogger Digby said...

"Every guy is ghey after his third beer"

5:30 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

Dearest YNH,
I can't ask that! He's my coffee-boy! Besides, I really only want him for caffeine related things so I don't care THAT much.
*
Dearest Ryan,
Maybe I'm queer [ha.] but things like that scare me. I don't think all the beers in the world would make me do it with a woman unless I loved her.

8:52 PM  
Blogger sixshooter said...

Well, flesh, you obviously need to make it a slight glance for starters, then if they look, look away ... then back to see if he is also looking again. If you stare at them until they look, daring them to maintain your gaze, then yeah, they might get a little freaked out.

Now in the case of coffee boy. since you are speaking to him (re: your super grande mocha latte), you need to find another route to gauge your compatability. When handing him you cash or credit card, just make sure your hands touch. Don't be all Grabby McGrabberson, but just brush hands, or let fingers touch. When he gives you back your change, see how much he touches back. It's obviously not going to answer itself in the first try, but over a couple days, he may decide to touch more ... or less ... and that should give you a better clue.

7:49 AM  
Blogger suz said...

my friend writes love-letters on 5$ bills. that could work. but probably accomplish more than you wanted, hehe.

-shoes are definately a good sign. [though i know a couple of italians that thwart that theory].

my friend Ian: can you get my shoes from the front door for me?
me: which ones are they?
Ian: the gay ones.

10:23 AM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

Dearest 6tysex,
I'm not interested in coffeeboy as anything besides the man in my life who poors my coffee just as I like it. It's just a little game I play with myself: ghess the ghey.
*
Dearest Suz,
I've heard this theory before, girls are always telling me they KNOW by the shoes. But to be honest I don't think I fit this category of ghey. Maybe there's enough other signs that the shoes are rendered unncessary?
I definately wear some rather neutral foot-wear.

6:36 PM  
Blogger sixshooter said...

So it's more like skeet shooting ... not really hunting for anything ... just a litle target practice. Gotcha.

Then, just watch him as he interacts with other people in line. Figure out who he flirts with more (they ALL flirt) -- boys or girls. Question answered.

8:30 AM  
Blogger Simon said...

I've just found your blog about espresso whilst I was looking for more information to add to my blog about espresso. You've got a great blog going here. It's always good to have more information about espresso. I've just started my own blog about espresso if you would like to take a look.
Keep up the good work.

10:04 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home