Friday, June 24, 2005

Pride, Pride with Magical Fruits

Well, Pride-season is upon us and I wouldn’t be doing my job as a disaffected-queer-youth, if I didn’t do a little bitching and moaning over my people’s annual celebration of all-things rainbow-colored. I had never been to a Pride event – or any event geared toward queers really – until two summers ago. The fall before that I’d flown my parents coop and came out to just about everyone I know – with the exception of family, but that’s another post entirely. So there I was, a newly minted ghey and my posse of lesbians, ready to embark on some fun and frivolity.

I’m not sure how it works at most festivities, but in Toronto the Dyke March occurs the day before the big parade. As you can imagine, my wimmin-loving self felt it equally important to get my Dyke-on as well as my Pride-on. The Dyke March was fantabulous! I bumped into a girl I had no idea was a lesbo and added her to my traveling band of bent-women. The entire event was awesome, weed wafting in from all directions, fabulous women of all shapes, sizes, creeds and colors declaring their ghey. Sure, there was some gimmicky crap, such as beer floats, but the entire event felt so communal and safe, not to mention relaxed, what with the significantly fewer people.

The next day I was a wee-bit hung over, what with the chocolate-martinis that were consumed the night before, but me and my gal-pals made it to Pride anyway. And it was horrible. First of all, our group was split-up when one of my girlfriend’s other gay-male friends refused to leave the Subway station until he found the guy he’d decided he was going home with that night. Now, I’m a supportive person, I don’t favor the random-hook-up thing myself, but I try not to judge those that do. However, in this instance, a relative stranger asked to meet him at a random location in the Subway. Forget for a second how unsafe that is, did it not occur to him that he was being given the brush-off? Because it sure occurred to me. Low-and-behold said Mystery Stud never showed up.

Not to mention, that when we finally did get to the Parade it was so packed breathing – let alone moving – was made difficult. My girlfriend remarked: “I think there needs to be a law, if you know more than one gay person you should not be allowed to come to Pride, leave some room for people who need to be here.” I thought that was rather hysterical. The entire atmosphere had changed from the day before.

There was no sense of camaraderie at this Parade, and all the floats seemed geared towards giving gay men drinking problems – not to mention body-dysmorphia. It is true, that I will never be the type of boy that belongs in go-go shorts with my junk hanging out. I will never look right in sparkly-painted nipples. That does not mean I don’t support those men who do. I just grossly hate the culture that perpetuates such a narrow ideal of beauty, when the whole purpose of the Parade is supposedly about community and celebrating diversity.

I will not be attending Pride this year, because as far as I’m concerned the spirit of such events has very little to do with being Prideful about anything besides corporate-interest. And that is not something I’m particularly supportive of. However, I do plan on celebrating something else this weekend: my status as a straight-positive alley. A bunch of straight people are coming over this weekend to par-tee and I can’t wait. I hear straight is the new ghey, anyway. You heard it here first.


Blogger Egan said...

Hmmm... that was an interesting take on the Pride festivities there in Toronto. I wonder if it's the same sort of thing here in Seattle? Flesh, thanks for sharing hombre.

1:55 AM  
Blogger suz said...

I love Halifax Pride- but then Hali is significantly smaller than TO, so maybe that's why we havn't yet lost that feeling of "commradery" [sp?].
anywho- pride is july 23rd this year, but i'll be missing it because i'll be in TO! *sigh*

7:01 AM  
Blogger swirlogirl said...

this moment brought to you by starbucks

10:02 AM  
Blogger Digby said...

Pride has nothing to do with pride and everything to do with getting laid.

I'm avoiding Toronto Pride too.

10:15 AM  
Blogger ... said...

Awww Flesh, you're such a young little moppet. *pats head* You'll "ghet" over your loathe of the "ghey" pride in a couple years, embrace that drag queen inside your head and learn to have fun with it. True, Gay Pride in Toronto, ESPECIALLY the parade, is tedious and commercialized and way over-packed, but when you finally meet that person with the coveted Balcony overlooking Yonge Street, and you can point at all the little people on the street below, I'm sure you'll have a grand old time :) Oh, and straight-is-the-new-Gay is SO 2004, Straight Boys having Gay Sex Recreationally is what 2005 is all about!! :)

2:31 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

I wouldn't know Egan, but to be honest from articles I've read and pictures I've seen it would appear to be a universal theme of Pride events.
That DOES blow Suz, I imagine smaller community events probably have that sense of community, larger events fail to have.
If Pride was brought by Starbucks I'd be all about it! That is the extent of my caffine-addiction.
we can hide in a bunker together Ryan! You bring the vodka, I'll bring the pot.
"Straight Boys having Gay Sex Recreationally is what 2005 is all about!!"
I sincerely hope so! Is that what gay-vague is?? I don't think I've ever been so flattered to be called a moppet. I do have moppet-hair I can't deny it. I truly don't hate Pride exactly, I respect that there are probably a lot of people who DO go and aren't shallow or commercial or what-not, I'm just bitter and not terribly light-hearted!

5:28 PM  
Blogger n.v. said...

Flesh, well said. Toronto's Pride Parade never struck me as being anything having to do with actual pride. All my gay friends talk about it like it's a fuckfest -- nary a mention of gaydom, struggling, coming out, ENJOYING gaydom...nope. Just cocks and jello shots.

8:01 PM  
Blogger n.v. said...

Damon, if you weren't so hot, I'd think you were a straight man.

8:04 PM  
Blogger Ed Grow said...


I remember an onion article presenting the farce that is pride in New York. Onlookers were horrified to see lesbians handing out clitoris shaped lolly-pops, cowboy hat wearing transvestites humping, and go-go dancing gay boys dressed up as aliens thrusting to industrial house beats. The article ended with, "And I used to think gay people were just like us. With commited relationships in which they love one another very deeply. Now I am not so sure." Horrifiying middle America (and everywhere in between) has seemed to be the objective of the spectacle that is gayness. Of course, being a spectator, I find no problem with this. Let the show go on!

10:35 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

The basis for my dislike of Pride is not the in-your-face sexuality, which I do believe has a place: it is the prioritizing of certain people's sexuality.
Where as the Dyke March seemed to suggest Pride in everyone's body and 'look', the general Pride Parade seemed to value only very young, hairless, thin, muscular white-men. And certainly those men are beautiful, but there many other variations of masculinity that are just as beautiful.

2:50 PM  
Blogger Ed Grow said...

Oh snap! (no you di-int) Kudus to you Flesh. I combat the power stucture of society by occasionally wearing my skin-tight pink shirt that says, "Subvert the Matriarchy." What do you do, Hmm?

3:23 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

I write my beefs in a blog and try to convince people that young, hairy[but for my face], averaged-built, white-men are sexy too [along with everyone else].
Can I borrow that T-shirt sometime?

4:27 PM  
Blogger yournamehere said...

This is completely off the subject but I was going to add you to my blog VIP list and I need to know if you'd rather be listed as "Fleshy V" or "F Vo"? Or do you have a different preference? Or do you not want to be on my VIP list? I need answers!

4:36 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

I'm honoured that you even asked!
Go ahead and bill me as whatevz you feel most aptly discribes my presence.
What about: FWin, or FvonWin, or FVWin...?
Nah, yours were better.

4:48 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

I think I'm going to make a T-shirt that says: "Feminists make boss boyfriends".

4:49 PM  
Blogger Ed Grow said...

I am 6'1" and 156 pounds. My secret to retaining my girlish figure is 50+ miles a week, ramenX3, and compulsive plasma donating. Everyone is like, "Uh, Ed you need to eat more." And I like, "Uh, go fuck yourself." Yay for not being a beauty standard and still being happy.

6:38 PM  
Blogger Jon said...

Finally, people that share some same views on pride...

6:40 AM  
Blogger Digby said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Digby said...

well we missed avoiding pride together so lets avoid life together...pot and vodka are all i need.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

Pot and vodka are all I need too!
And sometimes beerz, if I'm feeling randy.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Digby said...

mmmm beer

11:16 PM  

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