Wednesday, June 29, 2005

A Practicing Asexual

Why do people ask “are you seeing anyone yet?” And then when the answer is inevitably “no”, they respond with: “awww, don’t worry! You’ll find someone soon!” That is SO rude. First of all, don’t you think if I was seeing someone and wanted you to know I’d have mentioned it? Second of all, I never said I was worried, so heaping pity on me like that only makes me feel like there is something I should be worried about. And finally why is being single so greatly admonished?

I have definitely asked people about the status of their dating-life, but I feel like I am able to do it tactfully, without making the person feel like a freak, no matter what they’re answer. Even when a friend is bitching-and-moaning about wanting a boyfriend I usually don’t give in to that pressure to say: “you’ll find someone soon!” Not everyone does, and ‘finding someone’ doesn’t ensure happiness or that the person is right for them anyway. Why isn’t it possible for society to conceive of living happily-ever-after without a partner?

I can remember a recent conversation with a girlfriend who refused to believe me when I said I really couldn’t picture myself in a relationship. She got really defensive as if my saying that I might not be compatible in a long-term-relationship was somehow a personal attack on her. If I say that I’m single and I don’t immediately follow it up with “and I want to shoot myself” please don’t make that association. And even if I am unhappy being single, is there really any use whining about it all the time?

It’s like the series finally of sex and the city; all the women were conveniently paired-off. The entire show burst out the gate under the premise that women didn’t need men to make them happy and then within one hour they managed to completely refute that goal and rewrite the Carrie-and-Big-history in order to assure the audience: “Don’t worry! Carrie finds a man! Don’t pity her!” Sorry, I’m still really pissed off about that.

I think I’m going to start telling people I’m asexual and only able to mate with myself.


Blogger Gwen said...

And then you can tell them you're glad about it, since you're really good in bed.

I learned not to tell my single friends that I never want to get married again. They (especially the engaged ones) seem to equate it with me telling them their own future marriages are destined to fail.

5:13 PM  
Blogger Brookelina said...

Try being a single schoolteacher fast approaching the big 4-0. Then you will really see the pity in their eyes. It never occurs to anyone that maybe...just maybe...I'm happy!

6:40 PM  
Blogger yournamehere said...

Some people live to escort everyone else on earth to the gulag of conformity. And don't you know how hard it is to sell useless trinkets and inane greeting cards to single people?

7:25 PM  
Blogger n.v. said...

This is a loaded gun, Fleshy.

But about Sex and the City - I was pissed, too. I like to imagine that Big is smacking Carrie around. He was horrible to her before, so why not again?

I thought the ending was SO horrible that I didn't even buy the 6th season on DVD, the only season I don't own.

8:09 PM  
Blogger Ed Grow said...

Maybe you should publicly express your knowledge that however you are single, you are getting a lot of 'hawt boi' love. Which, as we both know, is the case. Relationships=sucky. Random action=fun. How young white gay male stereotypical is that?! Oh well...Love!

8:16 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

haha, I'm totally stealing that line Gweny dahling!
I believe you brookez. I'm sure womyn face that pressure more than menz anyway.
That's why we should create more single-person holidays YNH, then they can capitalize on my market. rawr.
Fucking hell that season sucked.
What was with the Russian? Obviously they were trying to horrify the audience to the extent that Big looked like prince fucking charming. God I hated Big, but I definately hated the Russian more.
The Russian. Please.
Oh Eddie Grow, I'm not getting any 'hawt-boi' love, which would be why I called myself an asexual. Stereotype aside I'm just not interested in random-action. But enjoy it for the both of us!

8:24 PM  
Blogger swirlogirl said...

your new icon is HOT flesh! just like daniel day lewis! i want him to come over in that bill the butcher outfit and throw knives at me!

8:54 PM  
Blogger Evil Petting Zoo said...

if you figure out the self mating thing let me know....i just made the comment today that i'm asexual. i'm just not in the market for relationship.

3:16 AM  
Anonymous Fence said...

This is a topic that always makes me frown whenever I watch US-ian tv. I mean, I am aware that TV is not real life, but there must be some source somewhere for all these incredibly needy people who just need to pair up. And as for what seems to be an intense desire to be married asap. I just don't get it.
(Came via Andi's btw)

10:49 AM  
Blogger AMS said...

Some people just feel the need to be in a relationship. Ive seen this particularly with one of my close friends - she dumps the guy and then gets pissed off when he's not phoning or texting her so she starts seeing him again (while pretending to be still broken up) instead of letting go. Some people are needier that others and see having a partner as an essential part of fitting into society. Its sad but true.

BTW I totally agree with SATC - both Big and the Russian were pricks and Carrie was meant to be the modern independent woman? Whatever.

11:50 AM  
Blogger Egan said...

AMS, you are on the money with that. Not sure why some people can't be comfortable single, but I am a married man.... what the hell do I know anymore?

12:24 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

Swirl, might we share Mr. DDLew?
EPZ, so far no offspring have been produced, but I self-mate a few times a week.
I'm in agreement Fence, I think our culture is really obessed by the notion of "one true love" and "forever and ever" despite the fact the stats show it isn't exactly the greatest odds.
I know what you mean AMS, I don't get it either, it seems like more trouble than it's worth. Carrie's character REALLY disappointed me in that last season, it was such a let-down. Except when she yelled at Big, that was fucking BOSS, but then she goes and becomes a damsel in distress and all that gross bullshite.
I'm sure having seen both sides of the fence Egan you have a wealth of information to share!

4:48 PM  
Blogger cranberry said...

i think that if you look beyond carrie moving back to new york with Big and see that she wanted a life, not just chasing around with the dancing/painting guy, it was pretty cool. she wanted to be in her hometown, close to her friends and have a career of some sort.

but i agree about all the women pairing up. made me kinda sick that they pureposefully made them all end with partners.

solidarity in singledom!

8:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish that I had dicovered using the term "asexual". It is a much cooler way of saying that right now, I prefer to take sometime and be into myself for a while.

2:54 PM  
Blogger FunnyFace said...

I have so many married friends telling me that I should stay single for as long as possible.
Married couples should just become swingers then everyone would be happy

10:00 PM  
Blogger n.v. said...

Sex Von Flesh: TRUE! "The Russian"? Fuck you.

And if I had to hear Carrie say "taking a lovah" one more time, I was gonna have to throw up into my fake Prada handbag. I really began to see what a self-centered cunt Carrie was and how much I loved all the other ladies, 'specially Samantha.

12:06 AM  
Blogger n.v. said...

Egan, for all the faux complaining I do, I'm happy being single. It's only when I'm PMS'ing and feeling bloated and lonely (a combination I've named 'bloanley') that I want a man to cuddle up to. Other times I just want a man I can fuck and kick out the door.

Flesh Von Ridicula-Hotness, there's a whole front of asexuals clamouring for attention. Why are people only valid (as social beings, even) when they are SEXUAL? Hetero homo bio trio...fuck it all. Some people are perfectly happy never getting laid. I am not one of those people -- it would be nice to get banged (it's been so long), but I think I'd rather live a sexless life than one trolling for warted and diseased cock until I find (barf) "the right man." Like that exists.

Gwen, did I miss your signing in Toronto??

12:09 AM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

Dearest Cran,
I still feel like Carrie compromised a LOT for Big and all Big did was not be an asshole. Well congradulations, I didn't know people got a prize for that.
Dearest Ruban,
There's still plenty-o-time, I say label yourself as such!
Dearest FunnyF,
Perhaps marriage is just obsolete in these times? Just a thought.
Dearest NonV,
Taking a "lovah" will go down in history as the grossest thing I have ever heard ever. That bastard was rat-ugly, there was no need for her to take ANYTHING of his.
Carrie did NOT shine in those last few eps. Sadface.
Your last comment struck me as particularly interesting. I hadn't thought of that!! I don't consider myself a very sexual person, so perhaps labeling myself "asexual" is just feeding into the notion that there is something wrong with that. Maybe I should just call myself "the new hotness" or something understated like that. It does represent me after all.

11:10 PM  
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