Thursday, June 16, 2005

My, My Metro Card!

Meterosexual, a word derived from Latin, roughly translated into English to mean: one who is filled with ghey, to be revealed in a few-years time.

I realize the term ‘meterosexual’ expired around the point Ricky Martin was exposed to be a cultural-phenomenon with the shelf-life of a dairy product, but I was recently reminded why I hate the word so much. About two years ago I met my current-roommate, Isobel’s childhood friend, who at the time proclaimed himself to be a straight-meterosexual man. Forget all the tell-tale signs, such as the frosted-tips in his hair, the gay-boy tight-T-shirt and the lisp; he spent the rest of the night using his heavy-drinking to excuse his constant touching of my then-male-roommate’s biceps. About 5 seconds after he had left the party I proclaimed loudly – and drunkenly I might add – “that bitch is SO gay”, much to the chagrin of everyone who knew him.
Cut to this past fall when our paths crossed yet again, this time in tow was another Abercrombie-&-Fitch-twinky male “friend”. Once again I informed Isobel that he was a butt-pirate and A&F-twink was his love-slave, once again she had her doubts. I explained to her that when it comes to gay men if he looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, he’s a fag. Finally, last week Isobel messages me on MSN to inform me that I was correct all-along; not only is he gay but the guy I’d met last fall is indeed his boyfriend. This seems unfair to me, given that I am currently dating no one and have been openly gayer, longer. Now I’m not saying I necessarily want – or need – a boyfriend but I believe queerdom needs to adopt a ‘first come, first serve’ policy. No budding.


Blogger im here somewhere said...

i have many gay best friends and I dont think any of them conform to "gay " standards. they live the way they want and have lots of fun doing it...oh I love my gay boys.

7:09 PM  
Blogger im here somewhere said...

actaully the guy in my pic is on of my gay friends. we dressed up this night and went on stage at the gay 90's and danced with the queens..

7:10 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

Not every gay man looks like a stereotypical gay man, I don't think I do, but when they do look like a stereotypical gay man, they are more than likely gay.

7:13 PM  
Blogger n.v. said...

Fleshy, I know I should respond to your actual thoughts and logic, exspecially since I've been brooding over the term metrosexual for some time...but I just love your writing and am wholly entertained.

A guy I kinda dated claims to be a metrosexual. I claim he's a fag.
Does that make me a subconscious fag hag-slash-closet-lesbo? I don't know, but I love fags. I love cock, but I love fags more.

10:32 PM  
Blogger n.v. said...

Methinks the confused horny girl doth protest too much?

P.S. -- this is why I don't have a sounds like I don't want one (I do).

10:33 PM  
Blogger AMS said...

Steering away from gay boyfriends would be a good idea if you like the cock

5:46 AM  
Blogger suz said...

i was going to say something similar to nonvocabulum - love the writing. *loves it!*

last week i learned that my ex-boyfriend of nearly 3 years [and hard-core 'born-again' christian] is now ghey.
i think i "turned" him. *snicker*

9:37 AM  
Blogger No one asked us said...

I totally agree with you. I had an experience with this jack ass who made fun of me at the gym, asking me questions with a lisp and who do I see last week walking down the street holding some guys hand? This guy who harrassed me daily for a summer. I expect an apology the next time I see him or I am gonna kick him in the gnards!
I hate the bullshit of being closeted until it safe while picking on open gay men. Not nice and bad psychopathology! (my therapist said so)

10:00 AM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

Thanx, y'all!
"Does that make me a subconscious fag hag-slash-closet-lesbo? I don't know, but I love fags. I love cock, but I love fags more."
I really think you need to put that on your driver's liscence. Subconcious fag-hag-slash-closet-lesbos are people too!
I hope you did turn him Suz, it is my dream, and goal in life, to make Adam Brody wake up and smell the gay.
It is my absolute PETPEEVE when closetted gays make snickering comments about MY gayness, especially in front of others. Yes, I may have my gay moments, but you'd think AS A CLOSET-CASE at the very least they might realise how fucked up that is. I have a couple of those brand of men in my life, and frankly it wears thin.

12:16 PM  
Blogger swirlogirl said...

hahahah love the illustration again!. i think you should try a little yentl-style good time where you be a gay man pretending to be a straight metrosexual man and then you win your man in the end, but you let him go to chase your dreams in america.

1:12 PM  
Anonymous dryvrgrl said...

"Does that make me a subconscious fag hag-slash-closet-lesbo? I don't know, but I love fags. I love cock, but I love fags more."
... ok... something about this just don't seem right to me... as a real live "lesbo", I can not understand how the attraction to males, no matter if they are gay, ghey, straight, metrosexuwhatever or any other male would make you a closet lesbo?? If it pisses standing up, it's too male for a "lesbo"...closeted or otherwise.
sorry Flesh, hyjack in process... I get what you said... but that comment, dunno...I just kinda really don't get it.

9:41 PM  
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