Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I’m so Emo I’m Catholic

"1. Emo
Genre of softcore punk music that integrates unenthusiastic melodramatic 17 year olds who dont smile, high pitched overwrought lyrics and inaudible guitar rifts with tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarfs (even in the summer), ripped chucks with favorite bands signature, black square rimmed glasses, and ebony greasy unwashed hair that is required to cover at least 3/5 ths of the face at an angle.
::sniff sniff:: "The Demise of the Siberian Traintracks of Our Rusty Forgotten Unblemished Love" sounds like it would make a great emo band name. ::cry::
- Urban Dictionary says so.

For a more visual approach on what it means to be Emo make with the clickity.

Admittedly, when a guy walks by with hipster-doofus hair or wearing ‘Buddy Holly’ glasses my head snaps around quicker than Star Jones at a Payless Shoe Sale. I can’t help it, there is something irresistible about this type of guy; they’re so arty and sensitive looking. There is also something undeniably homosexual about the entire look. I swear, you could dress up someone I’m as repulsed by as Tom Cruise in emo-threads and I’d be all over that like white on rice.

Take a good long-look at my lover Adam Brody, the most mainstream example of emo-ery. He is so beautiful he makes me shed emo-tears. His choice of style makes me convinced at any moment Seth Cohen will profess his undying love for Ryan. Of course then Ryan will be confused, take off his shirt and everything will go back to normal. But a boy can dream can’t he?

At times people have commented that this is in fact the way I dress. I would argue that as I shop at Value Village – due to some vague-anti-consumer beliefs and a current lack of riches – I have no choice but to look like an emo. Cheep-old man clothes are all I can find, afford and desire to wear. I can’t help that I seriously ROCK old-man cardigans. It’s certainly not my fault that too-short pants look amazing on me. And can you fault me that I – like so many – believe Buddy Holly knew what he was talking about in eye-wear? And really without the glasses I’m unsafe on the roads, so basically this is a matter of necessity, not fashion.


Anonymous dryvrgrl said...

Why can EMO boys look cool, and EMO girls look like "Where's Waldo"?

9:28 AM  
Blogger Gwen said...

I thought EMO girls were supposed to wear little old lady dresses, though. With sturdy shoes. And Buddy Holly glasses, of course.

10:19 AM  
Blogger A. Estella Sassypants said...

I'm all about some EMO. Music and dress....although I can't pull it off to save my life.

11:55 AM  
Blogger suz said...

Flesh, i could definately take you second-hand shopping and have you looking like fucking armani at the end of it.
recycled-style doesn't have to mean 'old man style' [or emo].

2:55 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

I GLOVE how emo girls dress though! I'm just as likely to do the neck-snap over an Emo girl as I am over an Emo boy. They're just all so precious.
Sturdy shoes are a MUST for any Emo, at least in my mind. Or converse, converse are big. I don't think I spelt that right, but you catch the drift.
I'd say both my female roommies rock Emo threads although at very different ends of the Emo-spectrum.
Thanx Suz! I've definately been trying to get more dress shirts from VV so as to look more business-like as of late, but I still think I rock the Emo look.

3:29 PM  
Blogger swirlogirl said...

i love little emo boys. esp adam brody/seth cohen. he's too perfect

5:10 PM  
Blogger yournamehere said...

I like emo music, but I'm way too tall and fat to dress emo. I doubt the TALL AND FAT department at Dillard's has an Adam Brody Collection.
If I wear too-short pants, people just think "That poor giant son of a bitch can't find pants to fit him."

9:38 PM  
Blogger A. Estella Sassypants said...

You crack me up. I have snorted this much in years.

10:34 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

I enjoy emo music, so long as we're talking about things like Death Cab for Cutie and the Weakerthans, it's when the genre subdivids into things like screemo that this hipster-poser draws the line.

11:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marketing idea:
Tickle Me Emo


10:40 AM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

If it looked like Adam Brody, I'd totally buy one!

6:42 PM  
Blogger n.v. said...

Oh my GOD, Flesh. Post a picture of yourself, for God's sake man!

9:49 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

Just picture a less twiggy Adam Brody with tween-beard and a larger-crooked nose. That's about covers it.

12:09 PM  

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